Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Chimp Denied Personhood

The Austrian Supreme Court, in its infinite wisdom, has decreed that chimpanzees, 98% shared DNA notwithstanding, cannot be deemed human. This groundbreaking ruling was passed against Matthew Hiasl Pan, a chimp of Sierra Leonese descent hoping to be adopted by an animal rights group.

As is often the case in such cases, the Matthew Hiasl Pan case revolves around certain vast sums of money. Matthew had apparently managed to procure these v. s. of m. through secret channels, and was looking forward to spending the rest of his days living in lavish opulence including, but not limited to, consuming massive quantities of musa lolodensis. The Supreme Court, however, was having none of it, and announced that only humans belonging to the genus homo sapiens can have personhood conferred upon them. Quite right too, if you ask me. Can't be going around conferring personhood on just about anyone. You make one concession today, and soon you'll have damned dirty apes running amok all over the place, forming trade unions, taking over our jobs, demanding equal representation in the parliament. That sort of thing.

The ruling has been widely hailed as a decisive victory for humankind. Especially by the section of society that takes offense at being equated to a simian.

At this point, you, the astute reader may be thinking "A-ha, I see what he's doing here". You are thinking that I'm going to use this as a segue to the monkey-gate scandal down under. That I will insinuate certain members of the Australian cricket team share more than just their first name with Matthew. Or that I will make a pass at how Darwin was convinced of the theory of evolution only after he visited the Southern continent. Perhaps even suggest that Andrew Symonds be deported to Austria.

I shall do no such thing.

You racist pig!

Monday, January 14, 2008

In Defense of Sloth

Dante had it wrong. Sloth is no sin, deadly or otherwise. If anything it is a virtue. A gift. A unique trait, cultivated through centuries of evolution, that has contributed greatly towards the success of our species. Yet, for eons sloth has been looked down upon as a sign of weakness. An excuse for inertia. An evil that restrains creativity. Nothing could be further from the truth. Not only is sloth a noble pursuit, it is the driving force for all human progress.

It is often argued that technology has made us lazy. I scoff at the notion, and aver that it is not technology that induces laziness, but laziness that has given birth to technology. Almost every major invention that's ever taken place has been motivated by laziness. It was the reluctance to walk that extra mile that gave us the wheel. An aversion to physical labour that led to the industrial revolution. Just think about it. Where would you be if the remote control - that most remarkable symbol of languid indolence - were not invented. All the way across the room trying to change the channel, that's where.

Slowly but surely, people across the world are starting to give sloth its due. Last week witnessed one such celebration in Bogota, Colombia. In an unprecedented event, the museum of Bogota organized a week-long exhibit dedicated to laziness, inviting people to lie down, slouch and generally indulge in avoidance of work. Needless to say, the exhibit was a big hit. Maybe someday such museums will be commonplace, celebrating the joys of sloth all over the world. I, for one, would be first in line to get in. Or maybe not. It sounds like too much effort.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Sledge of the Month

"Why is Michael Clarke called 'pup' by his teammates?"
"Well, you know. Because he is such a sonuvabitch"

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Trippy Nostalgia

While still on the 80s, I can't but help dwell upon Vishal Patel's website.

Vishal captures brilliantly the essence of growing up in India during the 80s with a series of brilliant, witty posts, whether it be lampooning Chacha Chaudhary and Sabu and their inane adventures, tripping over Champak's psychedelic stories or simply reliving childhood memories through ads in Tinkle. It takes you back to a more innocent time. And let's face it, a truly bizarre decade.

'Nuff said. Go check the site for yourself.