Saturday, May 31, 2008

Shatner West '08

You know it's election season in the US when you see political bumper stickers crop up on the back of cars. The 2004 election gave us a few gems -- from the racy "Flush the Johns" to the risqué "Go Brazilian, No Bush". In 2008, while McCain dwells upon the choice of his deputy and the Democrats sort out their candidate, bumper sticker manufacturers have decided to get a headstart on things.

Driving back home late last evening, I notice that the car in front of me has already chosen its candidate for the elections. "Shatner West '08" it proclaims proudly on its bumper.

At first I couldn't help but marvel at the brilliance of such a team. The sheer bravado, the flamboyant clichés, the immense spandex-coated combined girth. This pair would be undefeatable. But then something caught my attention. The sticker said "Shatner-West" and not "West-Shatner". That would imply that Adam West would be the running mate for William Shatner. Now with all due credit to Captain Kirk and his shenanigans, Batman doesn't play second fiddle to anyone. If anything, it is Shatner who should be second-in-command to West. Be the robin to his caped crusader, so to say. After all, when the phone rings at 3 a.m. in the White House, wouldn't you rather have a president who's been answering flashing red phones all his life in his secret lair? Or would you rather have a bumbling leader whose default response to a crisis is to make out with foreign chicks and wait for a pointy-eared vulcan to come and resolve the situation?

Adam West a vice-president to William Shatner? I think not.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Disturbing Mental Imagery

Among other news, the most disturbing mental image of the year is brought to you by Mr. ManBearPig himself. The half man, half bear and half pig creature, otherwise known as Matthew Hayden, gives us a distressingly detailed account of his squatting habits in a recent interview with Cricinfo:

I go to the middle, I mark the crease and I squat on the wicket. I feel grounded when I do that. It's like a centring process. It's like, I'm out in this amazing place with millions across the world watching but right now I'm feeling very solid here. I don't say these things aloud but I just feel it every time I go out there. The middle of the cricket ground is the most comfortable place on earth for me.
To borrow a phrase from Frasier, I hope you'll excuse me while I go and poke out my mind's eye.