First Bananas, Now Peanut Butter

It's not easy being an atheist. When not being held responsible for moral decrepitude of society or being constantly reminded of fires in the pits of hell, one is plagued by nightmares of random food products out to destroy false belief and impose the divine will of god.

Sometime back, we were informed that the banana has been designed by god to induce nightmares amongst atheists (which by implication suggested that coconuts and pineapples are satanic). For months, I was plagued by images of giant mutant musaceae chasing me with pitchforks, lining my escape route with banana peels. The only way out, I decided was to renounce all fruits and eat only processed food. One can't go wrong with processed food, I reckoned. But now we are told that peanut butter too is an atheist's nightmare. The proof is irrefutable. Unless you have little green men jumping out of peanut butter jars, there can be no grounds for evolution. And no evolution surely proves the existence of god.

I must confess, all these revelations have put me in a fix. Not only is my faith in science shaken to its core, but now I am also fast running out of things to eat. And don't even get me started on the killer mayonnaise nightmares.