Avocado Lovers of the World Unite!

Cohan writes through personal experience about discrimination against avocado eaters. I can totally empathize with him on this one. For I too have been the subject of vegetable preference abuse. Sure it begins innocently enough, with taunts like guacamole lover and avocado man. But before you know it, you have people calling you weird to your face.

This is a serious issue that cannot be afforded to be taken lightly anymore. For ages, avocado eaters have been misunderstood, discriminated against, burnt at stakes and prosecuted for their dietary habits. But not anymore. I call upon the avocado-eating populace to unite! To come together as one against all those who mock us. To stand for our right to eat bland, pulpy green vegetables. Come comrades, and join me in this noblest of causes to herald in an era where the head would be held high in pride and avocados can be eaten without shame.

Oh, and please don't bring along any parsnip-eaters. Those guys are just kooky.