Waiting for Smeagol

A while back, I chanced upon this wonderful link illustrating how the Lord of the Rings would have been if written by other famous authors. My favourite of the lot was the P.G. Wodehouse adaptation

"Sam, I've decided to go and overthrow the Dark Lord by tossing his jewellery into a volcano."
"Very good, sir. Should I lay out your crazy adventure garb? I presume that this will pose a delay to tea-time. I would remind your Hobbitship that your Great Aunt Lobellia Sackville-Baggins is expected for tea."
"Blast! I say, bother! How can a chap overthrow the Dark Lord? I suppose I will have to delay my campaign."
"Very good, sir. I believe you will be free in about a decade."
"I'll do it then. Make a note, Sam."

Hilarious. Some of the others were rather funny too. Here's my own contribution to the list. Lord of the Rings by Samuel Beckett

FRODO: What have you got there?
SAM: A dead coney and some taters.
FRODO: Is there no lemba bread?
SAM: No. You always overdo it with your lemba bread.
FRODO: I like lemba bread. It tingles the senses.
SAM: Then melts away into nothingness.
FRODO: Like butter.
SAM: Like dreams.
FRODO: Like butter.
(Silence)
FRODO: Let's go.
SAM: We can't.
FRODO: Why not?
SAM: We're waiting for Smeagol.
FRODO: Ah! (Pause) I sense someone coming.
SAM: It's a Nazgul. Don't you remember anything?
FRODO: I remember a fiend that stabbed me in the chest.
SAM: That was him. He wants your ring.
FRODO: It is my burden.
SAM: (Sententious) To every man his one ring. Till it's destroyed.

Such fun, this is. Other contributions are welcome.